The Name of This Book Is Secret Read online

  In the end, your code looks like this...Or rather, YLUO RLCS ILLHP IFHS QDFP:

  A Personal Recommendation

  Those readers whose knowledge of Egyptology is as shamefully deficient as Cassandra’s could do worse than to pick up a copy of The Egyptian Book of the Dead, also known as The Papyrus of Ani. A guide to the next world, it includes many important spells and instructions for success in the afterlife—a useful introduction to ancient Egyptian life aboveground as well!

  The Bergamo Brothers’ Card Trick

  This is one of the card tricks that the Bergamo Brothers performed when they were first learning magic. Of course, they performed it on the deck of a ship, and with a real deck of cards, but you’ll get the idea.

  Choose one of the six cards below and think about it really hard.

  Now, keep thinking about it as you flip to the next page. All the cards will appear again—except the one you’re thinking about.

  Your card isn’t here, is it?

  Think it was just a coincidence? Try again. Go back to the last page, choose a different card, and think about that card. Then return to this page and see if it’s here....

  Want to try the trick on someone else? Hand this book to them and make them choose a card. Better yet, forget the book. Grab a deck of cards and put on a show.

  If you haven’t yet figured out the secret, I’ll tell you how the trick is done. But remember, the first rule of being a magician is not to give away your tricks. So don’t let anyone else in on it, no matter how much they beg or plead or threaten you.

  What you’ll need: a deck of cards and a top hat. (A cowboy hat also works. A baseball hat?—not so much. Think style.)

  Before your audience arrives:

  Separate all the face cards from the deck.

  Then divide the face cards into two groups of six cards each.

  Each group of six should include: one black king and one red king, one black queen and one red queen, one red jack and one black jack.

  Remove a card from one of the groups and return it to the original deck. You now have one group of five cards and one group of six cards.

  Hide the group of five cards in your hat. If there is a ribbon around the inside of the hat, try sticking them under the ribbon. That way you can wear the hat without disturbing the cards.

  Spread the other six cards faceup on a table.

  You’re now ready to begin.

  Tell someone in your audience, preferably a sibling whom you want to annoy, to choose one of the cards on the table. Tell this person not to say the name of the card aloud. Instead, he or she should simply think about the card—really hard.

  If you’re wearing your hat, take it off—being very careful not to let the hidden cards fall out. Then pick up the cards off the table and put them in your hat, too. Be sure to keep the two sets of cards separate.

  After a suitable magical interlude in which you pretend to concentrate on the cards, and perhaps even put the hat back on, remove the hidden group of cards (the group with only five cards) and arrange them in front of you.

  Ask your victim, that is, your audience member, if his or her card is on the table.

  None of the original cards will be there—because they’re in your hat. But your audience will think that only the one card is missing.

  Et voilà!

  THE END

  REALLY.

  * FOR GRANDPA LARRY’S COMPASS RECIPE, TURN TO THE APPENDIX. THAT’S AT THE END OF THE BOOK, BY THE WAY, NOT IN YOUR BODY. (back to text)

  * ART NOUVEAU MEANS “NEW ART” IN FRENCH, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE BOX IT’S ACTUALLY A VERY OLD STYLE. IF YOU EVER GO TO PARIS, AND I HOPE YOU DO, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT SOME OF THE METRO ENTRANCES ARE MADE TO LOOK LIKE VINES GROWING OUT OF THE SIDEWALK — AN ART NOUVEAU JUNGLE. (back to text)

  * NOBODY KNEW HOW THESE RATINGS HAD BEEN ESTABLISHED; THEY WERE SIMPLY FACTS, LIKE GRAVITY OR MRS. JOHNSON’S HATS. (back to text)

  * WHY WAS THE SYMPHONY OF SMELLS IN HER BACKPACK AND NOT IN THE SHOP WHERE IT BELONGED? I’M AFRAID I CAN’T EXPLAIN WITHOUT PUTTING CASS IN A RATHER NEGATIVE LIGHT. BUT — HYPOTHETICALLY — WOULD IT BE SUCH A BAD THING TO TAKE IT IF SHE REALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS SAVING LIVES? (back to text)

  * I CAN’T SAY I AGREE WITH CASS’S REASONING, MORALLY SPEAKING. ON THE OTHER HAND, MIXING SOME TRUTH INTO A LIE IS ALWAYS AN EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUE. (back to text)

  * WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE SHOULD HAVE DONE. AND WHAT YOU AND I SHOULD DO IF WE EVER FIND OURSELVES IN HER SITUATION. (back to text)

  * SHOULD SHE HAVE CONFESSED ALL? I WILL LET YOU, READER, BE THE JUDGE — AS EXPERIENCED AS I KNOW YOU ARE AT PLOTTING AND SCHEMING AND GETTING IN AND OUT OF SCRAPES. GROWN-UPS CAN BE USEFUL AT TIMES — MONEY AND CAR RIDES COME TO MIND. BUT THEY ALSO HAVE A HABIT OF GETTING IN THE WAY WHEN YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING THEY DON’T APPROVE OF. (back to text)

  * THIS TERRIBLE MAN WAS THE ITALIAN DICTATOR BENITO MUSSOLINI. AS A CHILD, MUSSOLINI WAS EXPELLED FROM SCHOOL FOR STABBING ANOTHER STUDENT AND FOR THROWING A POT OF INK AT HIS TEACHER. HIS PERSONALITY NEVER IMPROVED BUT HIS LUCK SURE DID. HE WENT ON TO RULE ITALY WITH AN “IRON FIST,” MAKING EVERYONE IN THE COUNTRY — INCLUDING ALL THE TEACHERS — SWEAR THEIR LOYALTY AND OBEY HIM WITHOUT QUESTION. A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT ABOUT MUSSOLINI IS THAT HE WAS ALSO A NOVELIST. TO ME, THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE. THE WRITER OF A NOVEL IS LIKE THE DICTATOR OF THE NOVEL; HE MAKES ALL HIS CHARACTERS DO EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS THEM TO DO, AND SAY EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS THEM TO SAY. BUT PLEASE DON’T DRAW ANY CONCLUSIONS ABOUT THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO WRITE NOVELS. AFTER ALL, NOT ALL NOVELISTS ARE POWER-HUNGRY MADMEN — SOME ARE POWER-HUNGRY MADWOMEN. (back to text)

  ** CIRCUS PEOPLE HAVE A LANGUAGE ALL THEIR OWN. I’VE COLLECTED A FEW WORDS IN THE APPENDIX — JUST IN CASE YOU DECIDE TO RUN AWAY AND JOIN THE CIRCUS YOURSELF. (back to text)

  * IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE SYNESTHESIA, IT SOUNDS LIKE ANESTHESIA, BUT WITH SIN AT THE BEGINNING. (back to text)

  * SEEING LETTERS IN COLOR IS SOMETIMES CALLED AUDITION COLORéE — COLORED HEARING. (back to text)

  * I SAY SEEM ALL THE MORE ANCIENT, BEAUTIFUL, AND SECRET, BECAUSE IN REALITY THE MIDNIGHT SUN WAS NOT ANCIENT BUT MERELY OLD; THE DOINGS INSIDE, AS YOU SHALL SOON SEE, WERE ANYTHING BUT BEAUTIFUL; AND, LASTLY, NOW THAT I AM WRITING ABOUT IT, THE MIDNIGHT SUN IS SOMEWHAT LESS OF A SECRET. (back to text)

  * AS IT HAPPENS, SHE WAS RIGHT; IT WAS A SOLARIUM — ALBEIT A UNIQUE ONE. (back to text)

  * THAT SAID, NOT ALL ALCHEMISTS ARE QUACKS OR CRIMINALS. CHEMISTRY BEGAN WITH ALCHEMY. PSYCHOLOGY, TOO. SIR ISAAC NEWTON — THE MAN WHO DISCOVERED GRAVITY — WAS AN ALCHEMIST. SO WAS THE MAN WHO INVENTED MODERN MEDICINE. NEXT TIME YOU GO FOR A CHECKUP, ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF HE OR SHE BELIEVES IN ALCHEMY. IF THE ANSWER IS NO, TELL YOUR DOCTOR TO GO INTO ANOTHER BUSINESS! (back to text)

  * SERIOUSLY — IS THAT WHAT MAKES SOMETHING FUNNY? THE THREAT OF DEATH? MAYBE. BUT HERE I THINK IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH THE SPECIAL UNDERSTANDING THAT EXISTS WHEN TWO PEOPLE HAVE LIVED THROUGH THE SAME EXPERIENCE — AN EXPERIENCE THAT IN THIS CASE WAS VERY DANGEROUS AND QUITE UNIQUE. NOT ENOUGH FOR ONE, JUST RIGHT FOR TWO, AND TOO MUCH FOR THREE — SOMETIMES SHARING A JOKE IS JUST LIKE SHARING A SECRET. (back to text)

  * WHEN YOU TAKE OVER THIS CHAPTER, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY REWRITE THAT LAST SENTENCE TO READ, “THERE ARE LEVELS OF CRUELTY OF WHICH EVEN I AM NOT CAPABLE.” TEACHERS DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU END SENTENCES WITH PREPOSITIONS LIKE OF OR IN. THEN AGAIN, YOU SHOULDN’T BE SHOWING THIS BOOK TO YOUR TEACHER ANYWAY. (back to text)

  * THE LEGEND CONCERNED A BUDDHIST MONK WHO KEPT FALLING ASLEEP WHENEVER HE TRIED TO MEDITATE. THIS MONK GOT SO FRUSTRATED THAT HE EVENTUALLY CUT OUT HIS OWN EYELIDS. (I KNOW — OWWW!) ACCORDING TO THE LEGEND, THE WORLD’S FIRST TEA BUSHES GREW IN THE SPOT WHERE HIS EYELIDS FELL. AND THAT IS WHY, TO THIS VERY DAY, DRINKING TEA HELPS PEOPLE KEEP THEIR EYES OPEN WHEN THEY’RE TIRED. (back to text)

  * IF YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DECIPHER A KEYWORD CODE YOURSELF, CHECK THE APPENDIX. (back to text)

  * SEE, I WARNED YOU A
BOUT ENDINGS. (back to text)

  * APPENDIX USUALLY MEANS “SMALL OUTGROWTH FROM LARGE INTESTINE,” BUT IN THIS CASE IT MEANS “ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ACCOMPANYING MAIN TEXT.” OR ARE THOSE REALLY THE SAME THINGS? THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU INSULT THIS BOOK. (back to text)